Saturday, December 20, 2008

We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson

I LOVE Shirley Jackson's writing. I love the way she describes things and how see views the world around her. She writes about hidden suburban sickness. She was desperate housewives before that became a theme in popular culture. The smiling happy faces hiding dark secrets and depraved acts underneath.

That being said this was the second time I read this book. I believe this may be the only novel I've read more than once. I picked it up because I saw a reprinting with the most gorgeous cover and I had to own it and I feel guilty when I own a book that I haven't read, so I read it. She never disappoints, even reading it again I was fascinated by the neurosis of both the Blackwood girls as they lived their 'lives' by their daily routine.
Merricat, said Connie, would you like a cup of tea?
Oh no, said Merricat, you'll poison me.
Merricat, said Connie, would you like to go to sleep?
Down in the boneyard ten feet deep!

Friday, December 19, 2008

I feel sick.

I feel like shit. I left work early yesterday and called off for today. I never get sick but when I do I turn into the biggest baby on the planet. I get super bitchy and mostly want to be waited on hand and foot and then left to my own devices. I remember one of those lame family shows that I used to watch as a kid had an episode where they gave a sick child a bell to ring when she needed something. I think it was full house. I want a bell. I want to ring it and have someone come running, give me what I need, and then they must go away.

So today is reading day. I'm gonna drink earl grey tea and oj and read the 6 books and 1 magazine on my nightstand.
They are:
Bitch Magazine: The Noir Issue
Aloud: Voices from the Nuyorican Poets Cafe - Ed by Bob Holman and Miguel Algarian
Crafting the Body Divine - Yasmine Galenorn
Witches & Warlocks - Ed by Marvin Kaye
Son of a Witch - Gregory Maguire
We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson
The Guide to Getting It On (6th Edition) - Paul Joannides, Psy.D.

I probably won't finish any of these but I should make some significant progress. Then I won't feel guilty about checking some new books out from the library. Although, I will probably get some for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Have a blessed day....

Last night after practice I had to stop at the 'iggle (Giant Eagle as burghers say) and pick up a few things. It's about 15 minutes before they close so I am running around the store like a maniac trying to find everything. I run up to the cashier and she does her usual spiel. We do the cash out, and at the end she told me to have a blessed day and Happy Holidays. Now, I'm not a religious person, but that really touched me. This women cashes out hundreds of people each day and she takes the time to tell each one to have a blessed day. I find it really touching. Hopefully she continues telling people to have a blessed day as long as she can talk.

Saturday, December 13, 2008



Why am I exhausted? Nightmares. Nightmares about roller derby to be exact.

For instance, this morning I woke in the middle of a particularly nasty roller derby nightmare. It was a scrimmage practice, but it was open to the public. The travel team was scrimmaging itself and there were hundreds of people watching, except they weren't watching. They were all talking to each other. It got so loud that the entire team was distracted. I used my big mouth and screamed for everyone to shut up. Everyone did except these two guys. I skated over to them and asked them to be quiet so we could practice. The one guy stopped talking and said something to me along the lines of, we'll stop talking when we are done our conversation. I then sat next to them and said well we won't start again until you two are done. At that point half the team left practice and it was just chaos.

I really don't remember much after that, but I woke feeling very anxious and was super tired the whole day at work, I still am. I have to stay awake because we have a hellions get together in an hour. I'm sure it's just nerves because we have having elections and I'm running for captain.

I'm sure some of the tiredness is from not eating right. The other day I ate an entire medium buffalo chicken pizza from Pizza Hut. That's at least 800 calories, not to mention all the Denny's food that I eat. I'm a stress eater and my life has had the stress dial turned up. When I stress about work or derby all I want is a big fat juicy bacon cheeseburger and fries. Just like I had today. My work worries will be another post.

Hopefully tonight will be a good nights rest.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am Not Your Savior. Pt 2

It's done! Cyco spent about 2 hours drawing it and then about 3 and 1/2 inking it. It couldn't have turned out better! He's going to be adding the aura and some details to the cloak.

Next time you want a new tattoo, do yourself a favor and go see Cyco, he does amazing work.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


So the game was yesterday. We lost, miserably. That's all I can really say about that.

I got some wicked bruises and had a great time at the afterparty!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

The World Needs More Skanking!

I went the to the Toasters concert last night at Mr. Smalls. Neon Swing X-perience and Flat Foot 56 also played. I've decided the world needs more skanking.
It was one of those perfect 'I feel so alive' moments. I was dancing to great music, and I actually introduced myself to people! I was talking, I was dancing, I was hanging out with people I hadn't seen in a long time! It was an amazing night! I skanked my little butt off! I'm exclamation point happy, that's how awesome it was.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Rankin Bridge Sucks!

I hate the Rankin Bridge. I hate the construction on the Rankin Bridge. I especially hate the fact that I left my house with 30 minutes to get to work and was 15 minutes late.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

I'm faced with a pretty big dilemma right now. What to do with my life. To recap I am 24, living with my ex (not too happy with that) in Braddock which is 30 minutes outside PGH and 4 hrs away from my family. I have almost $21,000 in student loan debt and am 1 semester away from a degree but would have to finish it at Cal U, which is about an hour away.

I am considering moving to Baltimore when the lease is up here. I know for a fact that I no longer want to live with Ankur. My life path is completely open to me right now.

So do I stay here-
-or do I go here- ?

Pros/Cons in no particular order:
I feel like I'm finally starting to fit in and make friends in this city.

I miss my family a lot and would love to be closer.

Baltimore has a kick ass derby team.

Pittsburgh has a kick ass derby team that I know and love.

I FINALLY got a good work schedule and have things set there.

I work as a server at a Denny's! I can do better than that? Do I want to? (another blog post?)

I always have the option to finish my degree here.

I love my Hellions.

Pittsburgh is the most livable city in America.

Baltimore has crazy high rent!

Well, those are actually in a most important to least important kinda order. I am such a natural organizer.

I wish I could give some closure to this blog and have some sort of answer, but I'm completely lost. I'm gonna talk to the 'rents during my vaca and see whats up. More on the 10 o'clock news!

P.S. Keep this a secret cause I haven't told many people! ;)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Shooting War

I just finished Shooting War today. It follows the life of Jimmy Burns, a left wing political blogger who happened to be shooting a video in front of a Starbucks that was blown to smithereens in a terrorist attack. He is then recruited by a cable news channel to cover the Iraq war. The story takes place in 2012.

It has some really great points to chew on. The first of course, is what would happen if McCain won? In the book McCain won the election and the US came to be at war with everyone, well almost everyone. This book would have been downright frightful if I had finished it before the election, now it seems to only be a possible path that can not happen now.

In the book they also speculated on what would the government do if we increased our military's occupations across the globe while simultaneously continued our trend for lower recruitment rates. Their answer; robotic soldiers made by Sony using the same technology for PS4. It is almost sickening how easily something like that could happen. One of the most moving scenes in the book is when our hero finds a hospital that has become the victim of one of these remote controlled monsters. It then cuts to a shot of the room where they are being controlled with a young man screaming at the screen. He looks and sounds just like any person playing a violent video game would except when he pulls the trigger someone really dies.

A more subtle message throughout the book is the cost of corporate globalization. Many of the scenes showing Middle Eastern war torn cities are flooded with corporate logos.

I think my favorite part was when Jimmy confronted the lead 'villian' Abu Adallah. Adallah is eating a bic mac and when Jimmy asks him about it Adallah says he likes to eat the food of his enemys before battle and that he feels "sated yet slightly disgusted with himself".

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Real. Strong. Athletic. Revolutionary

I LOVE roller derby.

I love roller derby more than I've loved anything else in my life. I pulled the Daria in high school gym class. Sports never called to me, in fact they repulsed me. I enjoyed being active and I skated a lot when I was in middle school, but organized competition was something I saw as a waste of time.

Roller derby changed all that for me. Watching A&E's Rollergirls was addicting. The crazy costumes, the fun names and the attitude first drew me to the show and the sport. I've come to find that those attributes matter the least to me now. For me, derby is all about the athleticism, pushing myself further than I ever have before. It's about the sisterhood of 60+ women who beat each other up and then hug afterward.

Tonight I love derby because of what we have accomplished in a very short time frame. Modern flat track derby has only been in existence since 2000. In 8 short years we have created our own new sport with our own rules, our own tournaments and our own community. We have done it not with million dollar sponsorships but by the hard work and sweat of the women playing the sport. Using money from our own pockets we booked rink time, printed fliers, hired entertainment and ran media campaigns. Together we have created over 100 leagues around the world and then formed an organization to govern ourselves. There are at least 3 print magazines devoted to nothing but derby along with countless blogs and other online resources. We are a movement.

Personally roller derby has changed me physically and emotionally. I am not the timid passive girl who lets things go. I will not let someone just step up and take what's mine. I am starting to learn what I want and how to get it.

Tonight was the game for the WFTDANational Championship. Gotham Girls Roller Derby defeated the Windy City Rollers 134 to 66. It was broadcast live online to over 600 active users.

We have come so far in only 8 short years, I can't even begin to imagine what will come next.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Movie Moments

Part of every heartfelt happy-go-lucky movie about people's lives includes some kind of montage of all the fun things people do with one another. There is the scene where the couple is curled up on the couch watching a movie, there is always a scene of the whole group gathered around a table eating dinner, there is generally some sort of 'fight' scene with the friends throwing popcorn, throwing water balloons, or having a paintball fight. For me, those moments are what really make life worthwhile.

Tonight, I had one of those moments. I was at James' and Denice's for their weekly poker night. They've been doing this with Priscilla C and her husband and various others for over a month. Because I was working at the Scarehouse I haven't been able to make it. I finally had a Saturday night free. So I went and got cupcakes then made my way to their house.

I love these people. They are so open with each other and treat each other so well. We were all sitting around the table, elbow to elbow eating polish food. There were 7 of us around a table for 4, but it wasn't cramped or claustrophobic at all. After we ate everyone got their quarters out and the games began. Not only the game at hand, but the verbal battle as well. There is nothing I like more than trading friendly insults.

I quickly lost my money, but I wasn't bothered by it at all. I had such an amazing time. My chest just swelled with warm fuzzy feelings and all I could do was smile as I handed over my quarters.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

No really, is it?

Working at a 24 hr corporate diner that's open on Holidays usually means that they are a mess for me. Shifts on holidays are good money, but are always chaos. At the very least one person will call off. Most holidays I work a shift and then have to drive to my parents house which is about four hours away. I get there as everyone is packing up their things and saying goodbye.

This year, I'm super excited because my vacation starts that day! I will be working a shift in the morning and then I get the week entirely to myself! I don't know what I want to do during that time. The possibilities are endless, I can go to Baltimore, DC or Philly for a day trip. Go shopping, visit friends, lay around my parents house and veg out to cable TV.

I don't have anyone tagging along that I have to worry about either. This is my first holiday single in a long time. Frankly, it's a relief. I can do absolutely anything that I want!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I am Not Your Savior. Pt 1

So I made my appointment with Cyco.

On November 24 at 3pm I will be getting my first 'real' tattoo. I have the one behind my ear, but this one will be the first one people will see very clearly. It will be on my upper right arm. I want a zombified/skeletol/decaying Virgin Mary with a banner that says "I am not your savior".

I'm getting this as a reminder to myself that I don't have to save everyone. Also as a reminder of personal responsibility and finally that religion will not solve everything. No miracle will come along and fix everything in your life.

I'm a little worried about putting a negative phrase on my body, but I can't think of a better way to word it. It was originally inspired by an Ani DiFranco song.

i am an all powerful amazon warrior
not just some sniveling girl
so no matter what i think i need
you know i can't possibly
have a need in this world
come and come for that sweet sweetness
i'll be your never ending vending machine
i could never need to be alone
never need to be my own
as much as you need your queen
i know men are delicate
origami creatures
who need women to unfold them
hold them when they cry
but i am tired of being your savior
and i am tired of telling you why
and since when did this me me me
become the be all and end all of me
oh listen to you talk to me
long time love has got to breathe, babe
you got to let it ebb and flow
if you want a ball to bounce
you gotta let it go
just let it go
i know men are delicate
origami creatures
who need women to unfold them
hold them when they cry
but i am tired of being your savior
and i am tired of telling you why